16.12.21
after dinner, mid-evening
added after i was asked by my boss to take down some of my blog posts for sexual content. i was a middle school choir teacher at the time.
it's finally happened, the brain log has gained the attention of people i never wanted to or imagined would pay attention! this is not really a good thing, but it's not entirely bad—it's somewhat useful, to further shape what i feel comfortable leaving here in public space.
it's debatable whether or not putting anything here at all is a good idea, for me or anyone. again, am i really so arrogant that i believe this random assortment of ideas will be useful to anyone? does it matter? matter to who?
honestly, i need to know more about how adolescent brains function. i understand there are literal differences in how i, a 32 year old human, make decisions compared to the same decision making process in a 12 year old human.
i fear that i often expect a level of reflective ability in young minds that simply isn't chemically possible until the brain has continued it's growth into the early 20's. i hope for an ability to look at information and make sense of the many different meanings it can have.
but young minds—and all human minds—are triggered by certain words or phrases, and this visceral reaction can stop the ability to reflect and consider opposing viewpoints or purposes.
this means that if i share my thoughts about a subject that seems appropriate for conversation to me, and many other people believe it's inappropriate for them or their children, i need to be careful about how it is shared if i don't want to upset some of my fellow humans.
now, in the brain log entry that i recently removed from sight, i did include a warning about the content of the entry, for the above reason. but i didn't consider whether or not different minds would be able to heed the warning and act in their own best interest.
i'd like to assume that all humans—nay, all living things—act in their own best interest all the time. but this is not true, decision making is more random than that, environments less predictable.
if you are a 10, 11, 12, or 13 year old mind reading these words, i'd like to be able to offer you some wisdom about how to interpret the ideas you encounter, and make them useful for yourself. but i can't do that very well without better understanding what your brain is really like, which is, of course, challenging for me—even thought i was once your age.
but the fact is, even when i was your age, i didn't have your mind, your triggers, your fears, your interests. i can't tell you what it is like to be you, only you can do that, and you may do it with more or less accuracy and honesty throughout your entire existence.
i believe now that i underthought the posting of the entry that i have now removed. i never really liked it or felt satisfied by it's construction. interesting that perhaps i could trust my doubts more readily. i also believe i will edit and rewrite entry 14 and repost it when i have left my job as a middle school teacher. the ideas still feel important to me, and this experience will only strengthen the delivery of my ideas.
good luck, and until next time, don't underthink it.